Raising Your Self-Esteem Raising Self-Esteem Clients seek my help as a life coach for many different reasons but over the years I have found that low self-esteem is often an underlying element in the problems they bring. For this reason, working with a client to raise their self-esteem is frequently the first step towards resolving the issues they face and enabling them to live the life they want.
We all have times when we lack confidence and don t feel good about ourselves but when low self-esteem becomes a long term problem it can have a harmful effect on our lives and on our mental health. Self-esteem is the opinion we have of ourselves. When we have a healthy self-esteem we are more likely to feel positive about ourselves and about life in general. It makes us able to deal with life's ups and downs more easily.
When our self-esteem is low we are more likely to see ourselves and our lives in a more negative light and find it difficult to deal with the challenges that life throws at us.
There are many reasons why we might have low self-esteem. Stress and difficult life-events can have a negative impact on self-esteem but personality can also play a part. Some people are simply more prone to negative thinking while others set impossibly high standards for themselves and then feel failures when they can’t achieve them.
The problem with thinking that we’re no good is that we start to behave as if it’s true; we hide away from social situations, stop trying new things and avoid things we find challenging. This in turn can lead to problems such as depression and anxiety and may lead to smoking or drinking too much as a way of coping.
So, what can you do to raise your self-esteem? One method I use with my clients is to ask them to identify and challenge the negative beliefs they have about themselves. Actively notice and write down the negative thoughts you have about yourself and think about when you first started thinking them. Next, write down evidence that challenges these negative beliefs. For example, if one of your negative thoughts is "nobody cares about me" you may come up with facts that challenge this such as "my sister calls me every week for a chat" and "a friend dropped in to see me last week". Write down other positive things about yourself such as I am a great cook or I am thoughtful and aim to have at least five things on your list. Add to it regularly and put it somewhere where you can easily see it so you can keep reminding yourself that you are okay! This process is about helping you recognise that you have strengths as well as weaknesses and that you can grow and develop new, positive ways of seeing yourself at any stage in your life.
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